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Treat Your Mother Right
by Mr. T
Technically my first day of my vacation, although the weekend barely counts. Any day away from that hellhole is one worth celebrating.

My mom is in my state this weekend, so I’ll be spending time with her & my sisters & their assorted children & spouses today. My folks live in Utah, which for my UK, etc friends who may not know US geography, is quite far from my current home in Pennsylvania. My parents have developed the funny habit of making separate trips to visit us (my sisters, their grandkids, myself). It might be a money saving venture but I think it’s also because my dad doesn’t want anyone else taking care of his dogs. He’s a... complicated fellow.

I joke every mother’s day that I get my mom an amazon gift card, but for putting up with me she deserves about 2 million gift cards. While I was a nerdly child who didn’t really do anything risky, I had a lot of anger issues (I know, shocking, right?) & chafed at authority (still do). I’m sure she attributes not losing it to God & Jesus & them, but frankly I think it’s more about her own strength as a person.

And like all moms, she’s also unintentionally hilarious. She doesn’t know any actor’s full name, maybe first name at most. She pretty much refers to them all by character name. Weirdly, my parents loved the A-Team, so Mr. T was “B. A.”. I would always whinily correct her, as children are wont to do. As far as I know, it never stuck. Last time she visited she asked me if I liked those “Wick movies” starring “Key-New”. I eyed her & said “yeeeah...”, she proceeded to tell me how much she loved them (I’ll have to ask her if she saw the third). If you don’t know John Wick, it’s literally just Keanu Reeves murdering the fuck out of people. She also revealed she loved Logan (the insanely violent Old Wolverine movie). I’m sure Mr. Jackman had nothing to do with that *inset eye roll*. She has a type.

Someone once said something about moms being tough, and I confidently declared my mom, though 5’4” & 65 years old (she’s not gonna see this) could still kick anyone’s ass. People laughed, not in derision just at the image of it, I’m sure. My face remained deadly serious as I stated simply “she’s from L. A., y’all.” The laughter stopped replaced with “she probably could” head nods.

Anyway, my mom, quite a character. Maybe I’ll have some gems to share on tomorrow’s post.

Hey, say hi to your mothuh for me.*

*read in Marky Mark voice. It’s from Saturday night live. It’s from like 10 years ago, you probably didn’t see it.
Posted: 17th August 2019
A yardstick for lunatics.
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